And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
