What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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