Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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