im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
