me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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