you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
