So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
