The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
