im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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