He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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