Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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