i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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