she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
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it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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