I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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