I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
