i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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