Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
