I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You smell like stripper and shame
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
