Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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