I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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