Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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