I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.