the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
