Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy

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  (925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy http://tfl.nu/0d9q
  Replies (19) Good night (2703) Bad night (696)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.

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  (217): we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself. http://tfl.nu/xzvt
  Replies (74) Good night (919) Bad night (4979)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.

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  (212): You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido. http://tfl.nu/8t44
  Replies (36) Good night (1137) Bad night (5141)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.

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  (216): She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here. http://tfl.nu/4k59
  Replies (65) Good night (2890) Bad night (5374)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.

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  (417): i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings. http://tfl.nu/51gi
  Replies (7) Good night (4110) Bad night (815)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place

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  (843): the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place http://tfl.nu/6i8c
  Replies (16) Good night (5851) Bad night (850)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.

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  (205): we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with. http://tfl.nu/n5zf
  Replies (6) Good night (794) Bad night (3534)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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  (508): He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely". http://tfl.nu/dfux
  Replies (19) Good night (4223) Bad night (1305)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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  (240): I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop. http://tfl.nu/iw16
  Replies (20) Good night (3685) Bad night (1442)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots

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  (780): One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots http://tfl.nu/onvu
  Replies (6) Good night (520) Bad night (1357)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.

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  (701): Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring. http://tfl.nu/lp7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2138) Bad night (753)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.

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  (816): Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going. http://tfl.nu/sjn0
  Replies (11) Good night (2585) Bad night (809)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home

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  (775): When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home http://tfl.nu/5cvq
  Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (423)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude

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  (306): Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude http://tfl.nu/ijqp
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (314)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.

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  (970): Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession. http://tfl.nu/fr3h
  Replies (4) Good night (1114) Bad night (243)

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