That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."