exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.