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• (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

  Fav 17 3488 900

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (520): View more from Arizona

  Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's been productive.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  My liver can't handle being unemployed!

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