he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter