Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why are your pants in the freezer?