im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!