to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
