And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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