i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
