ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
