I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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