What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
