It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
