The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
