I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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