found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
