Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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