He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
