I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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