Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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