Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
