the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
