Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
