the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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