My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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