i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
