Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
