My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
