just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize