omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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