I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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