God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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