the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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