Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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