I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
