I want to walk on stilts...naked
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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