we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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