After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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