Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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