The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
