I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
