i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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