Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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