How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
