What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize