its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
