My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
