he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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