I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When are your genitals available?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
