Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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