I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
