in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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