The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
