Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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