just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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