Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
