oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
